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Wow, the dates on here are a day off from where I live, whats up with that, lol...I feel strange today..



I feel kinda bad because my brother called here the other night wanting to talk about mom and now he thinks she is haunting his house. I just wasn't up for it, I know they were close and he could really use the support right now but I really didn't like her. Yeah that sounds harsh I know but if you knew about my childhood you would understand. I know he was dissapointed in me but I never was any good at pretending......

I felt truly happy for once today its been awhile since I felt like that. But is it only fleeting, will I feel the same as I awaken tomorrow morning. My heart seems too unpredictable and I have found myself in an uncomfortable situation or two at the moment. I suppose I brought them on upon myself but I don't know what to do...

This was sent to me from my good friend Cami today, I thought it was an interesting look at life and love:



People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you’ll know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you’ve expressed. They’ve come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, they will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on. Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you’ve never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season . LIFETIME relationships teach lifetime lessons, things to build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you’ve learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It’s said that love is blind / friendship is clairvoyant. Thanks for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, season or lifetime

Why do you do this, you are only punishing yourself, I will never love you Chris so get it out of your head and I know you are reading this. I'm sorry but you can never be more than a friend to me, some day you will grow up and discover what love really is....right now you have no idea...it is sad that this must come between what friendship we have had but I can't continue in this fantasy of yours, forgive me my bluntness and perhaps cruelty in your eyes but its the only way I know how to come to terms with most things. I would rather spare your heart now than later....

strange day today, like a rollercoaster of emotions, don't know where I stand and thats a shit ass feeling, somewhat deflating and thus I am gonna back off big time, not worth the pain of rejection...

my ex just came by to fill me in on how he met someone at the gym, yippee, how thoughtful of him, gag....

Where is the light, I cannot seem to reach it, these chains are holding me back, is there someone out there that won't hurt me, it seems not. You are enjoying every moment of this aren't you, well the joke is on you because my heart has departed, I will give it to someone else if he wants it...

Damn, not a fricking thing is working out for me, why am I so unlovable? What is so wrong with me? I feel so sad today....

Once again confused and in a tearful state. You should have never said that to me, it took away all the trust that I had in you and cut through my heart. But which one of us is the fool.

I wonder, do you remember that you confessed your love for me last night? You haven't referred to it in our conversations and I am not one to add salt to your wound. I hope that you understand my reluctance to pursue a relationship with you T, you are such a beautiful boy and not just physically but inside as well. I take your love as an honor and hold you in my highest regards. Alas, it cannot be.....

COMMENTS

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SKOAL
19:27 Sep 16 2009

Chris now T

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I am having a crying jag today, can't seem to stop the flow of tears. Not really sure why, I think things are just catching up to me. My mothers death, unrequited love, loneliness......

you know, is love even worth the trouble, I mean why not just do the lust thing and call it quits, not even that, screw that too, lol, or don't screw that, lol......I am really feeling quite disgusted by the entire notion

omg, disreguard that last statement, my heart is now closed, for eternity..............

I have butterflies in my tummy and a big grin on my face............hee hee